weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
