Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
