Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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