Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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