We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
