And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
