why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All the doctor said was why
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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