well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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