wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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