I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
