i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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