he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
