My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
