Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
