Im at strip club and am horny
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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