So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
