Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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