I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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