yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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