I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
