Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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