Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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