It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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