That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pants are for mortals
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
