Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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