take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
