i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
