OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
