my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
