She's JV to your varsity
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
