At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
