Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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