The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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