remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
