grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
