Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
