I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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