So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
