i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Randomize
