either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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