I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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