So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
