just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
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