Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
