I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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