Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
