she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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