I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
