actually, I'm a sock model
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
