Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
