Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
