ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
