Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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