I bet he comes in French.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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