all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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