Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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