That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bring me that man meat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
