the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
