first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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