why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
