I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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