DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
