It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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