A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
