i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
