How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
