why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sext me about skeletons
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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