Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
