Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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