Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
