You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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